Friday, 6 November 2015

Before you buy that ring...

Before you buy that ring...

Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. 
Proverbs 31:10.

Warning: Some of the thoughts that I share in this blog are not politically correct for the year 2015. They are however Biblical principles... The Bible trumps politics and man's opinion any time any day!

Guys, before you get too serious about that lady, I suggest that you do a little check-list.  You need to ask yourself does she possess the qualities and characteristics that the Bible defines as "virtuous."  Guaranteed, if she does (or she's working on it), she's worth holding on to!  In fact, Proverbs 31:12 says that if she's this kind of a lady, she will do you good and not evil all the days of her life.

In today's world, people have things so twisted. Ladies are looking for men with the fattest wallets and the finest cars and men are settling for materialistic ladies who have nothing but shallow, external attributes working for them.

The authority and absolute truth from the Word of God is the tool to set us straight. We want our marriages to work, but, many times don't put the necessary work into ourselves or into that person we are looking for in order to make that happen.  We need to study what scripture says about these things and make corrections where necessary.

I briefly talked about this topic last week when I was a guest on a radio program. In case you didn't get to tune in or take notes, I decided to use my blog to help expand the thoughts for you.

Here's a guide from Proverbs 31 for the kind of qualities you should look for in a lady before you marry her. It's also a good self-evaluation checklist for us ladies, too. If there are areas we need to improve upon, there's no better time to start than the present.

Ten things a man should for look for in a lady:

1.        Trustworthiness
Ask yourself... Can you tell her your secrets?  Is she a vault or a vessel when it comes to private matters?  Does she gossip about others and tell you the secrets of other people?  If she does, then she will probably tell yours to other people as well. A woman should be trustworthy with secrets, money matters, and life in general.
Proverbs 31:11 Her husband can trust her and she will greatly enrich his life.

Proverbs 31:27 She carefully watched everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness.

2. An asset and a helper for you

Ask yourself...does she add to your life or take away from your life?  God doesn't want you struggling and suffocating in debt just so that you can give into the whims of your wife.  She needs to have good intentions towards you and your finances. I also believe that a woman should, as I like to call it, "bring something to the table." She shouldn't come to the marriage empty handed. While she was single, what did she accomplish that will add value to your life together?  Her education, business acumen, investments and assorted accomplishments are all great assets that can make your marriage richer.  Avoid being intimidated by an accomplished woman.

When you share your dreams with her, does she look for ways to make the dreams come to pass? Does she help you to accomplish your goals, no matter how big or small they are?  You need a woman who believes in you and who will give as much as she can to ensure that you are successful.

Proverbs 31:18 She makes sure her dealings are profitable and her lamp burns late into the night.

Proverbs 31:28 Her children stand and bless her; her husband praises her. 

3. A good manager of her time

Ask yourself... How well does she manage her time? How efficient is she? You need a woman who can plan her day and make necessary sacrifices in order to stick to that plan. Does she work from a "to do" list? Is she organised and systematic?  In order to properly manage a home, a marriage, children, a job and other responsibilities, she must be a good time manager.

If she is always late and making excuses, it is and indicator that she will be late and full of excuses in your marriage.

Proverbs 31:15 She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household and plan the day's work for her servant girls.

4. Industrious / Hard Working

Ask yourself... Is she diligent, hard working and productive?  What does she do with her time?  What are the things that are important to her? When she is given a responsibility, does she carry it all the way through to completion? Does she self-manage and take initiative? How well does she manage investments and business? 

A virtuous woman doesn't sit back and expect the man to do all the work. According to Proverbs 31, she is a business woman, a trader, a seamstress, a farmer, a real estate investor, a planner, an import, exporter and so much more!

You may wish to read one of my earlier blogs, "Work Works" to shed more light on this subject.

Proverbs 31:13 She finds wool and flax and busily spins it.

Proverbs 31:14 She is like the merchants' ship, bringing her food from afar.

Proverbs 31:15 She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household and plan the day's work for her servant girls.

Proverbs 31:16 She goes to inspect a field, and buys it: with her earnings, she plants a vineyard.

5. A homemaker
Ask yourself... How well does she manage her domestic responsibilities? Does she cook? Does she keep her personal environment tidy? Does she plan ahead and pre-solve future challenges?  Is she reactionary or proactive? These are important elements to look for in a future wife.

The home is not purely the woman's responsibility, it is a shared duty. Culturally, however, it is the woman who needs to ensure that the home is a pleasant place of respite and that the children are adequately catered for.

Proverbs 31:21 She has no fear of winter for her household: for everyone has warm clothes.

6. Encourages your success
Ask yourself... Can she handle my success? When my achievements are celebrated, will she be by my side, cheering me on?  Intrinsically, men need to know that they are respected by their wives. You need to know that she's always got your back and that you depend on her to be your biggest fan.

Many ladies are intimidated by their husband's achievements and find themselves in fierce competition with him.  Finding a woman who supports your dreams instead of one who competes with them makes for a peaceful and fruitful home.

Proverbs 31: 23 Her husband is well known in the city gates, where he sits with the other civic leaders.

7. Generous, warm and hospitable
Ask yourself... Will she create the kind of home environment where I would like to bring my friends and family? Is she friendly? Does she smile genuinely and with ease? Is she caring, warm and hospitable? 

Also ask yourself... How does she treat the less privileged? Does she look down on them or lift them up? Is she generous toward those in need?

A woman who is virtuous will make your friends and family feel at ease when they visit. 

She will treat the poor with concern and care and find ways to alleviate their suffering.  If she is a giver, you will find that there will never be lack in your home. If she is stingy and self-centered, you'll find that no matter what you do, it will never be enough.

Proverbs 31:20 She extends a helping hand to the poor and opens her hands to the needy.

Proverbs 31:26 When she speaks, her words are wise and she gives instructions with kindness.

8. Physically attractive
Ask yourself... When I look at her, do I smile? Does she have the physical attributes that excite me? Truthfully, internal beauty is more significant in God's eyes than external beauty; however, external beauty matters to man.  Does she take good care of herself? Is she clean? Does she eat healthy? Does she exercise regularly? Is she well groomed? Does she have a palatable sense of style? Does she present herself in a manner that makes you proud to introduce her to others? Trust me, these things matter.

A virtuous woman knows how to dress appropriately. She doesn't seduce men with her attire. She covers herself yet remains attractive and stimulating to the eyes.

Physical attributes change everyday, but our attitude towards our external appearance can help make even the most difficult changes stepping stones to more beauty.

Proverbs 31:22 She makes her own bedspreads. She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns. 

Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceptive and beauty does not last, but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.

9. Prayerful, spiritually sensitive
Ask yourself... When she is faced with life's challenges, how does she respond? Does she crumble in a puddle of tears or does she rise and conquer?

Finding a woman who is loyal to God and who knows how to pray is like finding gold. If she is sensitive to the Lord, she will have developed the essential skills to be sensitive to you.  She will also be better equipped to yield to your lead if she is accustomed to yielding to the leadership of the Holy Spirit.
Proverbs 31:15 She gets up before dawn...

10. Maternal attributes

Ask yourself... Will she be a good mother to our future children? Is she tender hearted towards children?  Do children naturally gravitate toward her or do they avoid her?

Children cannot be tricked easily. They can see when they are loved with sincerity and cared for. They can also sense when something isn't straightforward.  Watch her around children. How she treats the ones around her now is just a foretaste of what you can expect in your marital home.

Perhaps you already have children from another relationship or junior siblings that you are caring for. If she is going to step immediately into a maternal role, it is important that she love and respect your children, genuinely from the heart.

Proverbs 31: 28 Her children stand and bless her; Her husband praises her.

These ten things that a man should look for in a lady according to Proverbs 31 are by no means an exhaustive list, but they are a starting point. You can look through the Word of God and allow it it guide you as you make your choice towards marriage.

There is something very important that I must say, as I close.  If you are in search of the perfect woman, you will be searching for your entire life.  The Bible tells us in Ephesians 5 :25, "Husbands, love your wives as Christ loves the church." 

If we look at the church, we will see many flaws, many inconsistencies. This is why you have been armed with love and the Word of God to help bring her more and more into the image that befits her. If a woman is humble and teachable, you have a great starting point.

My prayer for you is that God will guide and lead you. That you will find a suitable life partner that will join you to fulfil God's purpose for your lives.  If you are reading this and are already married, I pray that God will teach you to love, build and encourage your wife. I pray that like Christ and the Church, you will love her unconditionally and give yourself to her fully.

May God strengthen our homes, in Jesus Name!

Stay tuned for the next blog... "What a woman should look for in a man." 


  1. Well written really blessed me
    Have questions as per how to apply no. 8

  2. Wow! Awesome truths..very vital.. Hmmmnn

  3. Deep! So sharing this right now!


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